I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
