I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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