Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
