I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
