pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
