Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I forget how to act sober
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
