So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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