when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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