1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm really busy with my period
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