I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Less talking, more tequila
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
