We're facebook friends in real life
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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