True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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