so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
