I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
