ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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