I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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