I just saw a hot homeless man
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
