did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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