New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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