Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
