Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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