Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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