so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
