Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
