I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You are a genius and a whore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
