There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
