maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
