were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found puke in my bra..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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