I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
