I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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