so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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