shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
