my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
