Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
