He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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