You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
