If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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