I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
