Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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