could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
