plz talk dirty to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
