that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
