I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
