It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
