As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
