I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
