You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
