Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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