his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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