I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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