I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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