In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
