okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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